Okay, so for the last week I have had an ear infection. As my boss said "What, are you 8 months old or something....", yeah.  Let's just suffice it to say I have way more respect for those little wee things that can be happy despite the feeling of an ice pick being hammered into thier little wee ears. IT SUCKS!

So we have a puppy. Ummm, I don't know why...a little full blood Austrailian Shepard named Buddy. I didn't name him, but it suits him.  He's a cute little thang, rolly polly and lazy. Yes, he has shit on my floor twice and peed...well more than that.  I am trying to be patient. Those of you who know me at all know that my fuse is short regarding those sort of things.  But he's a smart pup.  For some reason Chris has decided to train him using German commands. ie. Nein = no.  Needless to say when Buddy starts chewing on my foot and I say no...he pays me no mind.  Yes an Australian Shepard who speaks German...who'd a thunk it.

Mother's Day was quite the event I must say.  We had Chris' family and mine over for a cookout. It went quite well I think.  Everyone got along. It won't happen too often. 12 people in my little house is a bit much. It was fun though. The first all family dinner we have had.

Humm...I guess that is all of my update. Life is pretty good. No complaints.

He watches me from afar

Quietly, patiently, selflessly

Waiting to catch my fall

To make me laugh

In the midst of my trials

Without saying a word

He can read my pain

He takes it from me

And gently washes it away

My watcher protects me

From myself above all.

I MISS HIM!

46 days until he comes home.....

I am miserable.

Hello My Darlings...

Well I guess I should say "Happy New Year", so there it is said. Last year...crazy growin up and learning year...this year...more of the same, less crazy, more low key me type a livin. Work on relationship stuff and individual growth in areas that are lacking. Patience, yes I am still learning, luckily I have an AMAZINGLY patient boyfriend, who lets me freak and be all wierd and just blows it off as being "normal" for a woman, which yes would normally set me off on a tirade about how stupid and sexist and stereotypical a thing that is to say...but if thats what he needs to think to put up with me then I will just let him think it!

He is gone again...for another month. :( Maybe another one after that. :)When it is over we will be able to get one with things.

I don't know about any resolutions this year. I never keep them. It makes a liar out of me every time. I am just grateful for where I am right now. Awesome job, amazing boyfriend who loves me, a neat little house that is all my own, a car that is dependable if not the prettiest thing in the world, a family who is all healthy, friends that care about me (thanks for calling to check on me last night girly, I was already asleep). I guess I just want to continue to be thankful for what I have and not take anything for granted. I want to be more spontaneous and take more day trips on the weekends, I want to go on vacation somewhere, and I want to have my bills paid off by this summer. I think I can do all those things. 

Wow, I started this out all grumpy and now I am happy, amazing what a little introspective insight can do!

Life is pretty good....so ya....HAPPY NEW YEAR!

   Hello My Darlings,

      Yes I know it has been awhile. But it is the "New Year" now so I figured I should write something.

       WARNING:   IN PISSY MOOD BECAUSE IT IS JANUARY 2, 2006. DAY OF ENJOYING THE HANG-OVERS OF A CRAZY NEW YEAR'S WEEKEND....

AND I AM AT FUCKING WORK!

   Yes my darlings, I am at work...what the hell. The rest of the civilized 50 states are watching football and nursing hang-overs, with the exception of those in retail, fast food, and other menial jobs that upperly mobile types look down upon oh and ONE ATTORNEYS OFFICE in downtown Oklahoma City. Why are we open. Guess what I am doing right now, NOT A DAMN THING! I really have no earthly idea what the powers that be in this realm of GOP were thinking. Its a Federal Holiday for cryin out loud. I'm not being productive, no one is. GRRRRRR.... I think some of the attorneys have already split for the day, the ones who haven't are down stairs in the conference room watching football.  They are communists or something...scrooges at the least. 

   Well I guess it could be worse, I just haven't figured out exactly how yet.  Oh well...I'm getting paid to sit here and do nothing, why should I complain.

   I hope you all are having a better day of it than I am and I wish you all a BITCHIN 2006!

   Till we meet again...

What is love? Is love a feeling? Is something you fall into? Is it something you control? Is it something that goes away? How do you know when you have found it? And how do you keep it?

I have decided that falling in love is a misconception. We do not "fall in love". As a very wise woman said about the beginning of a relationship "falling in lust is such a wonderful thing." And yes it is. But lust is not love and the two should not be confused nor interchangeable. Lust is that desire to be with someone constantly. Lust is the initial romance of a newly created relationship. It is the joy and elation one feels when complimented and wooed. This is not love. And this, in time, will fade and disappear.

This is the point when most relationships have the true test. At this point is when you discover whether you "love" each other or have simply been "lusting" for each other. Unfortunately it is commonly thought that this is something that you "know".

I believe however that this is a choice that you make. Love is not an emotion, it is a choice. It is a choice you make everyday, sometimes more than once a day. It is a choice to be true to one person, to give your all to that person. To live for their happiness and hope that they will do the same in return.

True love occurs when this choice becomes a choice that is not consciously made anymore. It becomes something automatic, like breathing. But this does not happen quickly, it takes time, years perhaps, and much dedication to arrive at this point. But this is the best kind of love.

Unfortunately few will find true love. Not because it is unachievable, but because they will not make the choice to love long enough to arrive at that most amazing state. Everyone wants this as an instant gratification. It is not. It is a reward for faithfulness, dedication and selflessness.

Yes you can fall in lust. But loving someone is a choice that if a person can truly and whole-heartedly make can change his or her life forever.

This is the best description of love that I have heard:

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

IT'S SNOWING!!!!

      "Not yet." I replied, smiling at her eagerness and glee.

      "When?" She asked. "When will it be?"

      "At the end of the month!" Was my response to her plea.

      "Why not now?" She asked, impatient as could be.

      "Because it isn't time yet." I said.

And in that moment I realized. Why is it not time? Why wait for a single day to do or give or show what should be shown everyday? Yes, I know a very cliche way of thinking.

But it did make me stop and wonder what is it about the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season that makes it so different than the rest of the year. What about this time of year encourages us to be giving and generous and kind and thoughtful more so than we may be at any other time of year. 

Perhaps it is because we know that it is our last chance to get those brownie points in to Santa before the final tally. Perhaps we think this will somehow ensure that we too will be given to and treated with generosity and consideration in return. Or maybe it is just tradition. Perhaps the season has developed this reputation over the years.

Perhaps we are only trying to live up to the examples given to us by those who's generous and giving natures have helped to make the world a better place in years gone by. Perhaps we are not celebrating just the spirit of giving, but also honoring those who were the greatest givers among us all. The ones who simply have given to give, who would not accept reward or recognition in return for there good works.

Many of us would, I am sure, say that the good works, the kind gestures, or the noble acts that they perform are not done for any sort of glory, but simply done as acts of goodness in the spirit of the season, and perhaps this is true. But more noble than those of us who once a year find time to come out of our little worlds and open our hearts to those in need, are those who year round find it their mission in life to live this "season of giving", and in return for their giving nature receive nothing but the knowledge that they are making the world a better place. A better place not only for those who they have helped, but for those who see their good deeds and, if only for one month out of the year, aspire to be as generous, giving, and noble as they have given their entire lives to being.